Take Better Care of Yourself by Choosing When to Say Yes or No

yes and no

Today’s big idea was inspired by Chani Nicholas, an astrologer whose newsletter and app I love. In my horoscope last week she wrote: “Self-care comes in many forms: sometimes it’s a ‘hell no’, other times it is a ‘yes, please’.” And I was like, mm yeah, sign from God. Choosing when to say yes or no as a means to taking better care of yourself totally deserves a spot in my self-care week. 

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While we think of self-care as something you DO–like yoga, or meditation. Self-care doesn’t always have to be an action. Sometimes it’s a decision. A simple yes or no. Saying yes to something that makes your ears perk up, even though there’s work to be done or something else you feel like you should be doing. Or saying no to something that makes you feel, even the tiniest bit, like dying inside. 

It’s easy to get overwhelmed by all the choices we need to make in a day

It’s called decision fatigue, and it’s REAL. But, if you can remember in those moments that every decision can be an opportunity for self-care–a chance to choose yourself. Or to draw a boundary. Or to not invest time or energy in something that you know will only drain you. Then you’ll see each decision as a chance to take care of yourself. 

And while yes, maybe it would be nice if someone else would just figure out what you should eat for dinner or tell you what time to go to bed. On super busy days it can feel like you have no time for self-care, but you STILL have to make decisions. And those choices can go a long way toward keeping you in a good spot. Which is what self-care is designed to do. 

For me today self-care means saying yes to my friend who texted to see if anyone was up for a snowy walk with the dogs at 4:15.

And saying yes when my husband asked if I’d like him to drive our daughter to school. (That’s usually something I do) And you know that I used that time to indulge in favorite hobbies at the moment, which are playing Boggle and doing puzzles. And I am on the lookout for something to say no to, haha. It has not presented itself just yet, but when it does, I’LL BE READY.

If you’re not sure whether a yes or a no is the most conducive to your self-care, a sneaky coaching question is to ask yourself,

“If I couldn’t make a wrong decision, and there was no way to mess this up, what would I choose?”

Sometimes we have to short-circuit the conscious mind in order to get a truer answer from a deeper level of awareness. 

Daily Tiny Assignment

Your tiny assignment for today is to identify one thing that you can say yes to that will help you feel more like yourself. More grounded, and open-hearted, and resilient. As well as one thing to say no to. Something that gives you even the tiniest pit in your stomach, or that you know is likely to make you feel worse after. Whether that’s a glass of wine or a call with a friend who loves to complain, or what have you. Just pay attention to how your decisions are part of your self-care. And see what insights arise from making choices through the lens of self-care. 

Come back tomorrow!

When I’m interviewing Macala Lacy from The Well Healing in Los Angeles about how to make self-care more than a buzzword. Macala is a yoga teacher and psychotherapist. And even though she’s clearly a huge proponent of self-care, the term is starting to make her roll her eyes a bit. And I’m looking forward to finding out why.


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