Setting Boundaries Creates Freedom

setting boundaries

Today’s big idea is that setting boundaries help you create more freedom in your life. Which might be the opposite of what you think about boundaries–that they draw these stark lines that you can’t stray from, kind of like the white stripes on the side of the road helps insure that we can all drive in the direction we want to drive in quickly and safely–and we don’t have to worry about any Mad Max characters zig zagging across the highway and wreaking havoc. 

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Anytime you put some guardrails around something, you actually plug up holes where energy could leak out of, or outside distractions could get in through. 

I have been practicing yoga for a long, long time so an example that comes to my mind is using a belt or strap around your elbows when you’re doing handstand or full wheel. When your elbows can’t splay out all over the place, as they are wont to do, you actually have more stability in your arms, so that means coming up into these challenging poses is a lot easier; perhaps even doable for the frist time. 

Another example is using the screentime feature on your phone to limit how many minutes or hours a day you want to spend on your screen–it may seem like that’s a limitation, or even a bummer. But actually, drawing that boundary for yourself it possible for you to do more things that make you feel better than falling down a social media wormhole. It gives you more freedom in your day to decide what else you might like to spend your time doing. 

The structure that setting boundaries provide gives you 

  • Freedom from wondering if you should do the thing that makes you feel conflicted afterward. Like, for example, being on your phone. If you set a boundary of only using your phone an hour a day–or whatever amount of time makes sense for you–you don’t have to have that icky experience of wondering where your entire evening went. 
  • Boundaries also free from tolerating things that you’re sick of tolerating. That is HUGE! Although even the strongest boundary may not 100% protect you from ever experiencing that thing again, it will dramatically reduce your exposure to it, and that means your piece of mind won’t take as many hits.
  • Freedom from feeling like there’s nothing you can do about whatever it is you’ve been tolerating. That’s a real low energy state, that sense that you just have to grin and bear it, and this alone can have a big impact in your overall energy. 
  • And freedom TO experience life in a new way! To exercise agency, which is super empowering!

 

 

Daily Tiny Assignment

Your tiny assignment is to think about boundaries from the perspective of asking yourself, is there something I’d love to be free from, or that I’d like the freedom to do or experience? It’s just another way into thinking about what boundary might be a game changer for you at this particular juncture of your life. 

One common concern about setting boundaries is that they’re like drawing a line in the sand, and you have to be a real hard ass to maintain them. When actually, you can actually be quite loving about them… that’s what tomorrow’s guest, Amy E. Smith will share with us: how to maintain your boundaries without being a jerk. I LOVED this interview, Amy basically taught a master class in boundaries, I actually had a moment where I was like, welp, not sure what else there is to say about boundaries, lol, so maybe I don’t need to write any other episodes for this week. But don’t take my word for it, come and listen for yourself, tomorrow!

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